The Big Ol' Rock

Rumble, tumble, jumble, bumble crash

A boulder the size of an elephant bounded down the mountainside and lodged smack in the middle of the road. Common John was startled by the noise as he was walking along side his mule. He watched the huge rock tear down the mountainside and crash into place, just 50 yards ahead of him. His mule jumped sharply and jerked on the reins to get away. “HEEEE-HAWWW”

“Whooooaaa Nellie” yelled John, as he tried to calm his mule down..”The danger's over.”

“Holy cow, that's a great big rock. It's a blockin' the road. Nobody can get by that rock. We gotta let the king know.”

Common John and Nellie turned around and ran back to the kingdom of Saltylick, where they lived. They walked right up to the king's palace and knocked on the door. The King's chamberlain opened the door.

“Holy cow!. We were just up in the canyon, and heard a Rumble, Tumble, Jumble, Bumble Crash, and Holy Cow:

There's a great big rock

In the road out there

It crashed down the mountain
And it gave me quite a scare

Then Nellie blurted out “Heee Haww!”

“Is that so?” said the Chamberlain. “Well then, I suppose you want to see the king.”

“Holy cow, yes!” sputtered out Common John.

The chamberlain left and in a few moments the king appeared. Before he could open his mouth Common John blurted out, “Holy Cow, King Whyme, “Holy cow!. We were just up in the canyon, and heard a Rumble, Tumble, Jumble, Bumble Crash, and Holy Cow:

There's a great big rock

In the road out there
It crashed down the mountain
And it gave me quite a scare

“Impossible,” said King Whyme, “Who did this? I will start an investigation right away, and we will surely find the person responsible. I have an idea,” he said, “I'll bet the person who is responsible for this is the royal wizard who predicted rain that must have loosened the rock.” He summoned the chamberlain and sent him to fetch the wizard. Common John and Nellie waited patiently.

When the wizard arrived, the king faced him directly and said, “Oh wise wizard, who art the cause of much, hear these words of Common John.”

The king turned to Common John, who said,

"Holy Cow

There's a great big rock
In the road out there
It crashed down the mountain
And it gave me quite a scare

Then Nellie blurted out “Heee Haww!”

“All right,” said the wizard, “but what has this to do with me?”

Then King Whyme says, “Now, wizard, do you know anything about this here rock?”

To which the wizard replied, “What rock?”

Says the king, “Why that big ol' rock that Common John says he saw fall in the canyon. I want to know who is responsible for it.”

Says Wizard, “I don't know anything about some silly rock. Why are you asking me these questions?”

Says King Whyme, “Cause your the wizard. Now didn't you predict rain in our little valley last week?”

Says Wizard, “Why yes, King, I did”

“Well then, “says King Whyme, “that must be the reason that big ol' rock loosened up and crashed down the mountain and landed in the road. I think we know who is responsible. YOU are the WHO I am looking for.”

Says Wizard, “You're forgetting one thing, King.”

“What's that “ says the King

“Regrettably, I was wrong on that forecast. You seem to have forgotten that we have had nothing but sunshine for the past two weeks, and just about everything is all dried out! I predicted rain, but it didn't come. A south wind blew the storm away.

The king scratched his head. “By golly, you're right,” he said, “Well then, someone else surely is to blame. Who could it be?

“I'm sure I don't know,” replied the wizard. “It's not up to me to know WHO, but HOW.”

“But I don't care about how, I want to know who!” shouted the king

“Perhaps you should ask the royal scribe,” said the wizard. “He has knowledge of all things past, and surely will have records that may help you.”

“Good idea!” exclaimed the king. “Chamberlain, fetch the royal scribe!”

In a few moments in came the royal scribe, pen in hand, with ink stains on his shirt.

“Scribe,” says the king, “Common John and his goat Nellie have discovered a problem.”

The king turned to Common John, who said,

"Holy Cow
There's a great big rock
In the road out there
It crashed down the mountain
And it gave me quite a scare

Then Nellie blurted out “Heee Haww!”

“All right,” said the scribe, “but what does this have to do with me?”

Then King Whyme says, “Now, scribe, do you know anything about this here rock?”

To which the scribe replied, “What rock?”

Says the king, “Why that big ol' rock that Common John says he saw fall in the canyon.”

Says scribe, “I don't know anything about some silly rock. Why are you asking me these questions?”

Says King Whyme, “Cause your the scribe. You write down everything, Have you written about this?”

Says Scribe, “How could I have written about this? I didn't even know it happened.”

Says the king, “I want to know who is responsible for this. Have you written about anything like this that happened in the past.

Says Scribe, “Well, yes, there was an earthquake many years ago and there was a landslide in the canyon”

Says the king, “Aha, I knew it And because you wrote about that, you probably could have predicted the fall of this rock. I knew it. I knew it. YOU are the WHO I am looking for.!”

Says the Scribe, “Your majesty, my job is to know WHEN, not WHO. That earthquake happened 20 years ago, and it was WHEN your father was king, and it was WHEN there was a great storm in the mountains. Our last storm was a whole month ago. Things have been dry here for a while.”

And the King responded: But I want to know WHO! Someone is responsible for this, and I'm going to find out WHO it is. If it's not you, then WHO?”

Says the Scribe, “Perhaps you should ask the Royal Commander of your army, King Whyme. After all, it was the soldiers who dug out the last earthquake that happened 20 years ago. The Royal Commander was one of the soldiers who dug back then.”

“Good idea!” exclaimed the king. “Chamberlain, fetch the Royal Commander of the Army!”

In a few moments in came the royal commander, in full uniform, with his sword at his side.

“Commander,” says the king, “Common John and his goat Nellie have discovered a problem.”

The king turned to Common John, who said,

"Holy Cow

There's a great big rock
In the road out there
It crashed down the mountain
And it gave me quite a scare"

Then Nellie blurted out “Heee Haww!”

“All right,” said the commander, “but what does this have to do with me?”

Then King Whyme says, “Now, commander, do you know anything about this here rock?”

To which the commander replied, “What rock?”

Says the king, “Why that big ol' rock that Common John says he saw fall in the canyon.”

Says commander, “I don't know anything about some silly rock. Why are you asking me all these questions?”

Says king, “Because you're the commander of the royal army. You and other soldiers dug out the earth from the earthquake that happened 20 years ago. I want to know WHO is responsible for this rock falling. Since you were involved in the last event of this nature, surely YOU are the WHO I'm looking for.”

Says commander, “But most gracious king, it was the soldiers who helped SOLVE the problem with the landslide. We didn't cause it.”

Says the King, “But you know a lot about it!”

Says commander, “I know that there was a lot of rock and dirt from the landslide, and we removed it. I know right where it was. My job is to know WHERE the landslide was, not WHO caused it.”

And the King responded: But I want to know WHO! Someone is responsible for this, and I'm going to find out WHO it is. If it's not you, then WHO?”

Says Commander, “Perhaps you should go see the priest. He seems to know a lot of WHO's.

“Good idea!” exclaimed the king. “Chamberlain, fetch the Royal Priest!”

In a few moments in came the royal Priest, all dressed in his robe and vestments.

“Priest,” says the king, “Common John and his goat Nellie have discovered a problem.”

The king turned to Common John, who said,

"Holy Cow

There's a great big rock
In the road out there
It crashed down the mountain
And it gave me quite a scare

Then Nellie blurted out “Heee Haww!”

“All right,” said the priest, “but what does this have to do with me?”

Then King Whyme says, “Now, priest, do you know anything about this here rock?”

To which the priest replied, “What rock?”

Says the king, “Why that big ol' rock that Common John says he saw fall in the canyon.”

Says the priest, “I don't know anything about some silly rock. Why are you asking me all these questions?”

Says King Whyme, “Because you are the priest in our kingdom. You know everyone and everyone knows you. You must now who is responsible for this big rock in the road.!”

Says the priest, “Oh good king. I know many people. And I know what they do, if they tell me. And I can tell WHY they do what they tell me. I know more about the WHY than the WHO. I can even tell you WHY you are worried about WHO did this. You are afraid that your kingdom will fail and that you will lose power if you do not remove the rock that is in the canyon road that leads to the kingdom.”

Says King, “Never mind that.” Someone is responsible for this. I don't care about the WHY, but the WHO. And I think the WHO may be YOU.

Says the priest, “Perhaps I can help. Let us go to the canyon with Common John and his donkey, and see what has happened.”

Well this was a new idea for the king. He thought it was a crazy idea, but was willing to give it a try. So, the Priest, the King, Common John and Nellie all turned and walked up the road that led to the canyon near Saltylick.

When they got there, Common John pointed right at the boulder, and shouted,

"Holy Cow

There's the great big rock
In the road out there
It crashed down the mountain
And it gave me quite a scare"

Then Nellie blurted out “Heee Haww!”

Common John then said, "I wonder HOW and WHEN the boulder got here, and WHERE it came from, and WHY it crashed down the mountain?"

Well by now, the king was getting mighty tired and frustrated.

Says the king to him, “ I'm tellin' ya, we got to find WHO is responsible for this. I've told you before, I don't care about the how, when, where, why or even what. I need to know WHO is responsible for this.” The king's voice began to get louder and louder.

“Now calm down,” says the priest, “We all have rocks of various sizes in the roads of our lives. The thing we have to figure out is how to remove them or how to get around them, not WHO put them there”

“But you don't understand,” says the king, “If we know WHO put the there, then we can find out the answers to all the other questions. We can find out HOW, WHEN, WHERE, WHY, and WHAT. Then we can really get things done.” His voice became louder. “And we can also put the blame solidly where it belongs.”

The donkey says “HEEEE-HAWWWW”

The king grew angry. He was now yelling. “We've got to find out WHO!” He was shouting as loud as he could. “WHO! WHO! WHO! WHO! WHO!” His voice echoed off the canyon walls.

Suddenly there was a rumble up above and some crashing noises. King Whyme, the priest, Common John, and the donkey all looked up to see another large boulder smashing down the mountainside.

“Holy Cow....we better run,” said Common John. They all charged up the road away from the rock in the road, just in time to turn and see the the boulder coming down the mountain smash into the rock in the road, exploding it into a million pieces, and then bounding off to the side of the road. The roadway was cleared now, except for all the small pieces of rock that could be picked up and moved away.

“HOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLLYYYYYYYYYYY COW!” exclaimed Common John. 
"Where's the great big rock
Was in the road out there
It's all broken up in pieces
And their layin' everywhere"

“HEEEEEEEEEEEE- HAWWWWWWWWWWWWW,” brayed the donkey.

The king and the priest stood in silence. Finally the priest said, “That was quite an echo. Now WHO do you suppose is responsible for what just happened, your highness?

The king just gazed for a long time. Then the four returned to the kingdom. The king quickly rounded up his soldiers and they went out and cleaned up the rocky debris left on the road. But the king advised them to keep their voices low, and he wasn't so concerned about WHO ever again.

And the donkey brayed, “HEEEEEEEEEEEE- HAWWWWWWWWWWWWW,”